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One of the greatest problems facing music students today, regardless of age, is the famous command ‘Go Practice!’. As a parent, you know this is something that your child should be doing, but beyond this knowledge is a vacuum waiting … Continue reading
Is it good to be a gifted? This may sound like a strange question – of course being gifted is good… isn’t it?
It’s true that kids who score higher on IQ tests will have an advantage academically. After all, these tests are designed to predict school success. The skills tapped by IQ tests, including memory, problem-solving, and language ability are also important for doing well on college placement tests and succeeding in a career. So there’s definitely an upside to being gifted. But how gifted do kids need to be to reap these benefits – and is there a flipside to having a high IQ?
Optimal IQ
It may seem reasonable to believe that the higher our IQ, the better off we are. Yet, it turns out that’s not necessarily true. Those with higher IQs will have an advantage over those with lower IQs – all else being equal – when it comes to ease of learning and having the cognitive skills necessary to succeed in certain careers. However, researchers have found that beyond an IQ of about 120 there is little relationship between IQ and personal achievement. (And please note that an IQ of 120 does not even meet the cutoff score of 130 used by most districts as selection criteria for entrance into a gifted education program.) Beyond this level, achievement appears to be related more to things like creativity, leadership ability, and personal motivation than to IQ. Those with extremely high IQs (in the 145 to 180 range, for example) do no better than those with IQs in the 120s when it comes to career success and creative accomplishments. And having a higher IQ is certainly no guarantee that you’ll zip through life effortlessly accomplishing great things.
I’ve seen this myself. I’ve met many people who don’t appear to be particularly bookish or intellectual, but are very successful in what they do. Then again, I’ve known lots of academic types who have scored extremely high on an IQ test but lack the “people skills,” personal motivation, or whatever it takes to translate their abilities into outward signs of success – a college degree, a rewarding career, a fulfilling family life.
Maybe you’ve noticed this, too. Consider people you know and admire for their accomplishments – those who make everything look easy and always seem to be getting ahead. It’s likely that these people are not all “brainy” types. Rather, most are probably of average intelligence but know how to use their abilities to connect with and lead others, to stay focused on their goals, and to work hard to get what they want.
Of course, that’s not to say that those with an exceptionally high IQ won’t do well in life. Many do, and some of them contribute great things to our society in part because of their unusually high intellectual ability. An exceptionally high IQ may also be useful, or even necessary, in certain professions that require more isolated cerebral types of work, such as theoretical physics or mathematics.
So what is the optimal IQ? It’s arguable, but some would say around 120 and no higher than 145. Why? At this level, you’d reap most of the advantages of having enhanced abilities in some areas but might be spared some of the potential downside of being too “different” from the rest of the world.
The Flipside to Having a High IQ
Just as it’s unfair and unrealistic to make generalized statements about any group of people based on similar traits they share, we shouldn’t oversimplify our view on the effects of giftedness on children. In fact, having a high IQ doesn’t necessarily come with any particular disadvantages. The research in this area is mixed, at best. And much of it is based on interviews or anecdotal evidence, which makes it hard to come to any firm conclusions about the findings.
Yet, all children are susceptible to struggles at some time in their development and gifted children are no different. A common belief is that they are more prone to certain developmental problems due to being perceived as different by others, or because they see themselves as being out of touch with most of their peers. And this makes sense. A primary need of most kids – and maybe, to a lesser degree, of most s as well – is to “fit in.” Anyone who’s been through school understands how important it is to dress like, act like, and be like everyone else. Or at least like everyone else in your own little subgroup. We seem to have a need to be folded into a crowd with whom we can share certain interests – a social connection, an identity. Yet gifted kids are, by definition, different, at least when it comes to certain skills or talents they possess. Yes, giftedness is arguably a positive difference – at least from an perspective – but a difference, nonetheless. For kids and teens, the pressure to conform is often so great that any deviation from the norm can be distressing. We’ve all heard terms like brain, nerd, geek or worse applied to kids who seem too bookish, or too “into” school.
Of course, the potential for social problems is not unique to gifted kids; all children are susceptible to teasing, bullying, or social isolation when they don’t fit in, for whatever reason. The school years can be tough for all children. Gifted kids, though, do share some unique pressures and developmental issues that others may not.
A Disconnect Between the Brain, the Body, and Emotions
Most six-year-olds look, act, and think like six-year-olds. They use six-year-old words, think six-year-old thoughts, and react emotionally like you’d expect a six-year-old to react. Gifted children, however, are often described as showing “asynchronous development.” That is, while much of their development may be typical for their age (their size and emotional reactions, for instance), cognitively they are out of sync. Gifted children’s advanced cognitive skills allow them to process what’s going on around them at a different level than most of their age peers. An outcome of this is a sophisticated and heightened curiosity about what’s going on in the world, and a desire to “fill in the gaps” of their understanding.
All children are curious about the world and how it works. But for most, their curiosity is satisfied by simple, concrete answers that allow them to move on to other thoughts and emotions. They may see s as the “experts” and not feel a need to question or seek elaboration on the answers provided by them. Gifted children, however, may not be satisfied with simple answers. These children often have a need to delve deeper to satisfy their advanced awareness and heightened curiosity.
For example, while most young children who lose a family pet may be satisfied with parental reassurance such as, “Your hamster is going to Heaven to live with his friends,” a gifted child may not be content with such a simplistic response and want more information before moving on: “What is Heaven?,” “Why do we have to die?” “Will you die someday?”
Gifted children may also have a tendency to want to discuss “adult” issues – such as , spirituality, and the afterlife – at a deeper, more involved level than most kids their age. Other potential topics may include uality, birth, money, relationships, and divorce. While discussing these types of issues calmly and openly is not necessarily detrimental to a child, there can be drawbacks. A child who is excessively concerned about these things may become overly focused, frightened, or “grossed out” by knowing too much about issues they lack the life experience or emotional maturity to fully understand.
A seven-year-old whose father loses his job, for instance, may become anxious because he knows enough to understand the potential negative outcomes associated with the lack of a steady income. He may be concerned about the possibility of having to move out of his neighborhood, or not having enough money to get by. A five-year-old who knows “where babies come from” may find the whole subject so fascinating that he shares his expert knowledge with all who will listen.
In short, there is a certain bliss in the innocence of childhood that may be lost on gifted children who are enlightened too quickly concerning life’s mysteries.
Emotional Sensitivity
Gifted children are often thought to be more emotionally perceptive and responsive than their peers. Some people have described them as having finely tuned antennae when it comes to picking up and responding to emotional signals that come from within themselves or from those around them.
Some researchers have reported that gifted children may:
o Be overly empathetic to other people’s problems or situations. They might show a tendency to make the problem their own, and mirror the moods or emotional state of the person they are concerned about.
o Overreact to frustration, rejection, success, or any situation that triggers an emotional response – for example, sobbing over an outwardly minor disappointment.
o Be overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval, or respond strongly to minor suggestions or comments about their work or performances.
o Worry too much about global situations such as poverty, war, and natural disasters over which they have no control.
o Read too much into other people’s comments or body language.
Friendships
Friendships are often based on similarities. We tend to connect with others who are like us in some way. That is not to say that two people need to be clones of each other to bond – differences are often what make a relationship interesting and may be what initially attracts one person to another. But it’s fair to say that long-term relationships are often kept going because the people involved are somehow similar. And arguably, mental similarities are one of the most – if not the most – important ways that people connect and stay connected. We tend to become close with those who think like us, not necessarily people who have the same opinions or outlook, but rather those who understand our ideas and perspectives, share similar interests, and with whom we can carry on a mutually meaningful conversation. Children and teens form meaningful and lasting relationships in much the same way.
A potential problem for gifted children is that they often think in a different way than most of their age peers – those they are likely to spend a great deal of time with. They have the physical appearance and probably the emotional maturity of their classmates, but may have the vocabulary, interests, and reasoning ability of those much older than themselves. They don’t really fit into either group. Consequently, developing meaningful friendships can be more difficult for gifted children, and this problem can become more pronounced as cognitive ability increases. Put another way, the pool of potential same age “mental mates” shrinks as IQ rises.
Self Esteem
Self-esteem can be thought of as the opinion we hold of ourselves. So where do we get this opinion? As children, we begin to develop a mental picture of ourselves in several different areas, including how we look, how we act, how popular we are, and how good we are at learning. This mental picture is formed from early childhood through feedback we get from others and from comparing ourselves to those around us. The picture becomes clearer and more fixed as we get older, since our ideas about who we are get reinforced over time. As we mature, we also develop a concept of an “ideal person,” or how we “ought to be.” These ideas are likely formed through messages received from sources around us like our parents, teachers, peers, and the media.
Our self-esteem, then, comes from comparing our mental picture of who we are to who we think we should be. Our feelings about ourselves can differ greatly according to what area of our lives we are considering and how we measure up to the ideal.
While studies show that many gifted children have high global self-esteem (how they feel about themselves in general) and high self-esteem when it comes to academics, it is also known that they are not immune to having poor opinions about themselves. Self esteem issues may be particularly troublesome for gifted children who are prone to perfectionism – the desire to do everything just right before one can be satisfied with the outcome. Realizing their own potential and capabilities, these kids may get the feeling that they should be able to do just about anything, and then become frustrated when they don’t perform up to their own expectations. For example, getting less than perfect grades, not making the varsity sports team, or not winning an award for the best science project may make the gifted child feel that he has let himself down. Self-esteem may also be negatively affected when gifted kids feel that they are not measuring up to other high-achieving students, or to mentors whom they see as role s or intellectual equals.
Depression
Gifted children who are not able to live up to their own unrealistic or perfectionist expectations, or those who feel alienated from the rest of the world because of their intellectual differences, may develop feelings of sadness or depression. This is particularly true for the highly gifted child or teen who may develop the sense that the world they live in is a foreign land where everyone thinks and acts differently than they do. As they get older, these children may begin to question the meaning of a world that is seemingly run by those whose values and interests are so different from their own.
Becoming caught up in academic competitiveness can also lead to depression and other serious consequences. It is known, for instance, that attempts occur more
frequently among young people who excel academically, are highly creative, and attend highly competitive schools.
School
The very traits that help gifted children excel in learning can make it difficult for them to participate in many school programs.
For example:
o Because they are usually able to complete tasks quickly, they may become disinterested in a subject once they feel they have mastered it, and then begin to tune out the teacher while they move on to different things in their own minds. These children may be perceived as unfocussed or as “daydreamers.”
o They may be more focused on the big idea, rather than the small details of a school task or subject. The organization of their school work may appear to be lacking and attention to detail may be missing. They may be perceived as disorganized, inattentive, or defiant.
o They may not need as much structure and teacher guidance as most and prefer to guide their own learning and move at their own pace. Teachers may become frustrated with students who are always moving ahead or getting “off topic.”
o Because they learn and complete work at such a fast pace they could spend much of their school day with little to do or nothing to engage their attention. Some become bored, apathetic, discouraged, or rebellious.
o Their thoughts may come faster than they can write – so there is often a disconnect between how they think and what they produce on paper. This could lead a teacher to group gifted children with students of much lower ability, thus frustrating the child further.
Teachers that are not skilled at adapting their instruction to meet the needs of gifted learners may feel threatened by how quickly the child learns, or by how much they know. Such teachers may try to make the gifted child conform to the pace of the classroom through reprimands or discipline techniques that create hard feelings or a poor working relationship between the teacher and the student.
Ways Kids Cope
Gifted children are as diverse a group as any other, and no two children are alike. How they navigate through the social world and cope with the stresses of growing up may have more to do with individual personality traits, or the type of emotional support they get from others, than with their IQ.
Yet there are some common themes when it comes to how gifted kids cope. Because of the social isolation and negative feedback they may encounter, there is some evidence that, as they get older and have more of these experiences, some gifted children start to downplay their abilities, becoming guarded or holding back when they are around children their own age. Others may disguise their abilities in other ways – like focusing on nonacademic-related talents, or simply choosing to isolate themselves from others kids, preferring to be alone or choosing the company of s.
Many though, as they mature and gain the insight that comes from experience and maturity, learn to accept and appreciate their differences without any long-term negative consequences.
Whether or not a child is dealing with any of the issues outlined in this chapter, parents can help their kids through the school years by:
o Being there to listen, understand, and support them emotionally when they are going through a stressful period.
o Providing them with opportunities to develop and explore their interests and connect with others who hold similar interests.
o Avoiding pushing them to excel or compete – or excessively praising them for their accomplishments.
o Encouraging fun, playful activities and downtime.
Most importantly, research (and common sense) tells us that all children benefit from having at least one caring, supportive in their lives who provides structure, consistency, and a sense of unconditional love, warmth, and encouragement.
Reframing the “Problem”
Again, the research is mixed when it comes to gifted kids and social adjustment. Being gifted certainly does not mean that a child will have a rough time growing up. Many of the potential negative effects of a high IQ may never arise, particularly for those children who measure in that “optimal” range of around 120 to 145. Many studies have, in fact, shown that most gifted children are well-adjusted and have no more social problems than most.
It’s also true that the denser and more efficient neural connections that some believe are related to gifted children’s emotional sensitivity and other issues can also help them in social relationships. Many of the same characteristics that seem to create problems for some gifted children can lead to positive outcomes in others – and many of the possible drawbacks associated with giftedness can also be viewed as potential advantages.
For instance, highly developed sensitivity and emotionality may help gifted children develop social insight, enhance their capacity to understand and connect with others, and boost their ability to adapt to different social groups. Instead of causing them to overreact or have melt-downs over little things, being highly sensitive may allow gifted children to be more responsive to others’ needs, and give them an advantage in reading others’ body language, feelings, and emotions.
Similarly, having fewer social contacts, or true friends, could certainly be viewed as a negative aspect of giftedness. But for some children it may just mean that they are more discerning when it comes to choosing who they hang out with. And preferring to be alone at times does not necessarily mean the child is suffering from social isolation. Gifted children are often highly introspective, and choose to be alone to develop their gifts through solitary activities.
Other gifted characteristics with possible negative implications, such as boredom with school routines, bossiness, and questioning of authority, can also be viewed as early signs of an independent thinker or a natural leader.
Editor’s Note: David Palmer’s new book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All You Need to Know to Make the Right Decisions for Your Child (2006) is available online and through Barnes and Noble and other fine book sellers.
David Palmer, Ph.D., is a parent, award winning researcher, and educational psychologist currently practicing in Orange County, California. He has served as Assistant Professor of Education at California State University, Los Angeles, and has lectured on university campuses, including UCLA, in the areas of counseling, assessment, and education. Dr. Palmer has personally administered hundreds of IQ tests to child of all ages and ability levels andn has helped many families find the right school program for thier child.
Dr. Palmer’s new book, Parents’ Guide to IQ Testing and Gifted Education: All you need to know to make the right decisions for your child (ISBN 0977109852), is avaialble at Barnes and Noble and other fine booksellers. It can also be purchased online at parentguidebooks.com, amazon.com, bn.com, and other internet outlets.
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The time it’s most important to be able to laugh is when things look worst. Economic downturns can get pretty bleak when you’re trying to stretch a fixed income or watching hard-earned dollars wither as investments. But this really is the time to remember how to laugh. Humor can be incredibly therapeutic.
Before we go any farther, there’s an important distinction to make as to the kind of humor I’m advocating here. The only person you should be laughing AT is yourself. At your foibles, your shortcomings, your predicament. It’s all fodder for jokes if you are the one making them.
However, laughing at other people isn’t therapeutic. It’s mean. Also juvenile and short on creative genius. All the great comedians know this, but you don’t have to do stand up to benefit from that insight. Laugh with other people. Laugh at yourself–even if you are looking at bankruptcy, foreclosure, or having to live with your impossibly messy younger brother because of this pesky economic downturn.
Why?
Because laughter really is good medicine. Norman Cousins was facing an incurable spine disease when he chose this strategy. Instead of staying in the hospital, he moved to a hotel and administered dose after dose of humor to himself every day in the form of classic movie comedies. He wrote about the experience in Anatomy of an Illness, reporting that if he laughed for three hours in the morning, he would be pain free the rest of the day. Laughter can be even more effective with emotional pain.
So find some ways to laugh. Martha Beck dedicates a whole chapter to laughter in The Joy Diet–and her writing is definitely laugh therapy. As one option, she suggests silliness. I am so pleased. I’ve been a personal fan of silliness my whole life, but it gets a really bad rap. Silliness in this culture is construed as flightiness, naiveté, and a lack of appreciation for the seriousness of the situation. What a waste of a good tool.
Silliness can do more to help you let go of intense emotions than anything else you can do upright. Silliness requires that you relinquish your problem, at least temporarily, to the ridiculousness of the moment. That’s why my brothers spent their time in the waiting room while Dad was having quadruple bypass surgery inventing a goofy card game with impossible rules. That’s why I cross my eyes when I can catch a friend’s attention in the middle of a long-winded presentation.
Silly is not just for kids. It’s your right and responsibility. Do something silly today and make the world a better place.
One way to be silly when times are tight is with games that make cutting back more fun. At one point when my then husband and I were coping with an economic gap, we started a contest to see who could use their paper lunch bag more times. Right, the idea is to be able to throw them away when you are done with your lunch. But how much fun is that? He won–I think he made it all the way to the fourth week, something like 21 consecutive lunches out of that same bag. Mine developed a terminal tear on Day 16. Dang.
There are benefits beyond the fun to this kind of silliness. Have you noticed that “going green” and saving money often involve the same behaviors? “Use it up. Wear it out. Recycle it.” is good for both the environment and the pocketbook. And if you can find fun ways to do it, it’s also good for your sense of well-being.
If you are willing to work on it, you can learn to laugh at nothing. Just “Ha ha has” for the therapeutic value it offers. There are clubs that meet to do this. Really. I haven’t progressed this far. Even when I try to just laugh, I end up thinking about something funny and laugh harder.
You’ll have your own style on this, for sure. But only if you put some effort into developing it. “Style” requires action. Refining and polishing your sense of humor is a great action step for a downturn. Beck advocates at least thirty laughs a day and recommends a hundred. (Did THAT make you laugh?)
When things look awful, find a way to laugh. It can change your mood in a heartbeat, costs only the energy it takes to do it, and has no negative side effects. Maybe we should make it our first treatment for everything–even before a band-aid.
Copyright (c) 2009 Mary Lloyd
Mary Lloyd is the author of Supercharged Retirement: Ditch the Rocking Chair, Trash the Remote, and Do What You Love, released April 2009. She offers seminars on how you can create a meaningful retirement for yourself and consults to help your business attract and use retired talent well. She is also available as a speaker. For more on how to use the downturn to improve your retirement and your life go to =>http://www.mining-silver.com
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Extreme. Intense. Sensitive. Hyperfocused.
These are the kinds of words that describe the everyday experiences of gifted adults.Whether it’s the swing of strong emotion, or the desire to perfect everything we do, or the need to have things move 10 times faster than they are, extremes are often the way we live.
Having high sensitivities in general means that we perceive the world in way that appears more intense that the way the rest of the world does, so that by itself creates a separation between us and a lot of other people we know. Add to that the active inner world we experience and living with extremes is part of our daily life.
Extremes for us in and of themselves aren’t bad. They provide us with a way of looking at the world that is varied, rich and unique, and when you’re gifted that’s a pretty good thing. The hard part comes when we have to interact with others.
We tend to come across far too strongly for everyone else. They don’t understand why we’re ‘so emotional’, as they might put it, or why so many things ‘bother’ us. They simply get bowled over by our overwhelming needs and expressions.
The first step in dealing with this situation is just recognizing that it exists. If we can’t understand that others don’t see, hear, feel and know the world the same way we do we’ll get very frustrated with them. The gap between our perceptions and theirs becomes a gap in our relationships if we aren’t careful.
So if we live with extremes and so many other people don’t how do we cope? We learn to notice the ways that we respond that are uncommon to others. Then, with this awareness, we tone down the way we express ourselves to others. Not shut off our emotions, because that creates a whole new set of problems, but to share them with a little less intensity, kind of like turning down the volume on the radio. That way we can still say what we need to without stressing everyone else. This takes some time and practice but we can do it.
But turning down the volume can’t be done without another step – finding people to connect with where we can be fee to be ourselves in our fully-intense form. If we have to restrict ourselves all of the time for the sake of others we’ll find too much building up inside us that we can’t express and that will be way too damaging for us. So we need an outlet, or even several of them, that will allow us to be truly and fully who we are.
So in what ways can we be fully expressive?
Through:
and…
What have you found that works for you?
Sonia Dabboussi is the founder of Gifted for Life, a groundbreaking community of empowered gifted adults who maximize their unique abilities, sensitivities, experiences and insights to make a remarkable world impact.
For over a decade and a half, her diverse experience in academic and personal development through positions in education, educational administration and success coaching has led her to conduct seminars, workshops and one-on-one trainings for exceptional people in local, national and international regions.
She is a gifted adult.
To connect with gifted adults and other outstanding people at Gifted for Life, go to http://giftedforlife.com.
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You are now sure of it. Your child is gifted, and you want to do your best to support her. As the parent of a gifted child, it is important that you understand the challenges and opportunities this presents to your child. It is a joy to parent gifted children and to see them achieve extraordinary things. With Intelligence Quotients above 145, gifted children stand out from the ordinary. This is never easy to do,and the reaction of others is sometimes unkind. It is therefore important that, as a parent, you understand how to support them. Failure to adequately support your gifted child could result in them failing to realize their full potential.
The most important factor in developing your child’s giftedness is appropriate education. If your child is not yet enrolled in a gifted child program, be sure to have them enrolled in one. Gifted children who are not intellectually challenged will suffer emotionally and intellectually. Even if they are unable to participate full-time in a gifted child program, make sure that they have some exposure to similarly gifted children and to a curriculum which challenges and stimulates them intellectually. It may be necessary for them to change schools so that they can be in a supportive environment.
Finding mentors for your gifted child is a good way to support her. These mentors are themselves likely to be gifted and can share more than information with your children. They can also share life experiences and encourage them over the hurdles that giftedness can present. Mentors can also open doors to opportunities for learning and vocation.
Seek scholarships for your child. It is highly likely that you will be able to select from a variety of scholarships given the high intelligence of your child. Be sure, however, to seek a scholarship from a school or college which will support their area of interest and propel them onto greatness.
Talk to your child. This will be very important to ensuring the emotional stability of your child. Remember, giftedness sets your child apart from others. They may find it difficult to fit in with others and may need a respite at the end of the school day. Therefore, prepare a haven for your child at home. Allow them to pursue their own interests in a safe environment. Listen to them as they unload after a day at school and take your cues from the discussion.
Cultivate your child’s interests. It is very likely that your child will have a particular area of giftedness. Encourage her in this area. Support her with the resources she needs to develop her skills and interests. You can demonstrate your support by active participation where possible or just by being there when they engage in these activities. You can also read to your child or provide books about their areas of interest.
As you seek to support your gifted child, remember that though they are exceptional, they are still children. Allow them to be children even as they astound the world with their giftedness.
For 50+ Parenting Tips visit http://www.awesomeparents.com for more resources and information
Nigel is an experienced youthworker [full time since 1991] as well as having grown 3 children of his own [ably assisted by Jan his wife of over 30 years]. He can also be found at http://www.nigellane.net
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“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.”
Elbert Hubbard
Parenthood is a lifelong journey that demands the best from you. You wonder, “How do I stay on track and go the distance, especially during the challenging times?” Discovering the 3As of what truly happy parents practice is a crucial step, otherwise the constant façade of happiness you put on for the sake of your family will eventually burn you out!
Although you cannot eliminate all the setbacks in your life, it is how you choose to respond to them that will make the difference. The following are three practical tips – Accept, Affirm, Align (3As) – that can help you be the kind of happy parent who is well equipped to raise happy children.
Happy Parent of Happy Child Tip #1: Accept your brain’s chemistry
According to Professor Loretta G. Breuning, Ph.D., there are four neurochemicals that regulate our feelings of happiness. Endorphin is the body’s natural morphine which grants us temporary euphoria to withstand pain when we get injured lest we have to make a quick dash from danger; dopamine keeps us high in view of a perceived reward; oxytocin triggers feelings of closeness when we bond with others physically or emotionally; and serotonin gives us a boost when we are made to feel important.
Our neurochemical levels fluctuate as the situations around us change; for example, dopamine dips when one’s goal is achieved. Since the neurochemical drop dampens our feelings, we may imagine that a problem exists and unwittingly adopt a negative outlook. But if we understand that it is just how the balance of our neurochemicals works, we can assure ourselves, “Relax, it’s the chemicals; it’s not me!”
Happy Parent of Happy Child Tip #2: Affirm yourself
We tend to be our own worst critic. In our earnest bid for self-improvement, we may go overboard berating ourselves for our failures. Unfortunately, if you put yourself down often enough, you will end up with so much negative energy that it spills over to others despite your best efforts to keep it under wraps. Your precious children are innocent parties that do not deserve your pent-up negativity.
To be a happier parent, do yourself a favor: Forgive yourself more. Speak affirmative words to the person you see in the mirror every day. If you don’t treat yourself well, who will? After all, it does not cost you anything to do so – no hired coach, no professional motivator needed.
Happy Parent of Happy Child Tip #3: Align your expectations
Studies in consumer behavior have shown that once a customer is happy with a certain product or service, it will take more to please the customer the next time because the level of expectation has been raised. Likewise, you might have discovered something that makes you feel happy. But can you derive the same level of joy through that same source day after day?
To counter the happiness paradox – i.e. the happier you are, the harder it is to make you happy the next time – bestselling author and psychologist Harry Beckwith, J.D., recommends this: don’t lower your expectations but don’t raise the bar either. In other words, align your expectations in a realistic manner so that you don’t create impossible goals and cause frustration instead.
Well, it seems as if being happy comes with a caveat! Nevertheless that is a small price to pay compared with the boundless possibilities that happiness can offer you and your loved ones.
Conclusion
The aforementioned tips are by no means exhaustive. However, the 3As – Accept, Affirm, Align – are a good starting point in your endeavor to become a happy parent more consistently. Remember, the objective of being a happy parent is to be able to raise happy children who can reach their full potential in life.
Do you want to know more about raising happy children? To receive further tips regularly on how to raise happy children, the author invites you to log on to http://on.fb.me/nzFXO9
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As a gifted adult, you are definitely in search of success, right? So why not make it as easy as possible? Use these eight simple steps right now to put yourself on the path to achieving what you really want in a short amount of time.
There are many frameworks for success out there, but what works for you isn’t always what works for everyone else. So here’s how you can apply the categories of passion, work, focus, push, ideas, improve, serve, and persist to gifted adults.
1. Passion – This area almost never seems to be a problem for gifted adults. As a matter of fact, they have more trouble trying to narrow down their passions than they do trying to find one in the first place.
So as far as passion goes, choose the one that stands out the most for you right now and think about what you could do to make it awesome and impactful on the world. This passion will be one foundational piece of your essential mission – the path that will give you the ultimate excitement, pleasure and satisfaction in life. You’ll probably find that over time many of your awesome and impactful passions will fit together to formulate your essential mission completely. And when that happens, in an incredible place you’ll be!
2. Work – However you’d like to consider it, it’s going to take a lot of work to get to the summit of your life experience. Time, effort, money, sweat and tears are all involved here.
The most important thing to remember as you’re putting in huge amounts of effort, and being gifted, are likely on an emotional roller coaster for a good part of the time, is that every step of the way is getting you closer to where you want to be. Even if it doesn’t look like it, or if everyone around you is telling you you’re wasting your time, know that every learning experience makes you a more knowledgeable and stronger person – one that is all the more able to handle the super success that comes at the top.
3. Focus – The things that you want in life won’t necessarily fall into your lap – you will have to work for them – but you’ll find that they will all come together much more easily when you’ve determined your focus and you know for sure, or at least mostly for sure, what you’re striving for. (Not having focus is kind of like deciding to go on vacation but not knowing where. When you decide on your destination it makes getting there a whole lot easier.)
For gifted adults, finding focus means, not only doing one thing very well, but figuring out how to use the many things you do well to make a difference in the lives of yourself and others. It isn’t about narrowing your focus down to such a point that it includes only one thing. It’s about combining your many points of focus to create something new, exciting and unexplored.
4. Push – This is one of the toughest parts of the success process for gifted adults. Usually the aims they have in life aren’t the traditional ones that most people shoot for. The things that bring them the most satisfaction are maybe not even understood by many of the people closest to them. So what do they do? This is where making connections with other gifted adults becomes mandatory.
It’s tough enough to succeed at doing normal things, so you have to set up your support systems in a big way when you’re ready to succeed at an ultimate unconventional level. When you start to feel down and out, when the work is becoming overwhelming, or when you feel like you’re not even sure you’re on the right track, getting in touch with your gifted friends can offer you the push you so definitely need at that moment in time.
5. Ideas – Generating ideas is also something that usually comes relatively easy for gifted adults. The challenge for them is to figure out which ones to use right now and which ones to put on the back burner for a while.
Keeping a journal is very helpful for this, as is having some awesome let’s-bang-around-some-great-ideas conversations with gifted friends. You can use some local or reachable experts in the fields you’re working with as well who will also be able to help you refine your reflections and insights. And if independent, do-it-now kind of idea creation is what you prefer, you can try setting up a filing cabinet with folders or compartments for each of your magnificent ideas along with the supplies they need to put them into action.
6. Improve – This one is another given for many gifted adults. You can say it may even be built-in directly somehow. For them, the desire to improve is less like a potential option and more like a life-giving necessity.
Sometimes, for gifted adults the desire to improve is so strong that what to do or how to go about it in the best way becomes more of the challenge. Using the connections you’ve made with positive and uplifting people will help you figure out where the most important places are for you to progress from the position you’re standing in right now. And remember, with the high learning curve that giftedness brings, your place of improvement might be different tomorrow, and next week, and next month. Just know that is absolutely OK.
7. Serve – This is one more area that’s nearly part of the genetic makeup of gifted adults – the need to contribute something beyond themselves. The secret for them is to put their unique sets of passions together to create something that serves others in the maximal way.
You can do amazing things; you’ve got bucket loads of ideas and passions; you’re not afraid to keep on trying; and you really want to help people with what you do. So now consider what you would love to do, be and have if you had all of the time, money and resources you needed at your fingertips, and then take the first steps toward making that real. Putting the pieces together to change the world, not just in any way, but in the most beneficial and positive way is the goal now.
8. Persist – Isn’t it amazing that one of the key traits of giftedness is also one of the eight keys to success?
The biggest challenge for gifted adults here is not that they are not persistent – they so often are to an incredible degree – but that they keep moving forward when they’re feeling down and out, when the world goes against them, and when their unconventional ideas are just beginning to break through into the conceptualizations of the rest of the planet. — So perhaps the ultimate success question for gifted adults is this: If 6-7 of these secrets to success are basically built into them, why are they not all incredibly successful?
The biggest answer lies in Success Point 4 – Push. At only 3-5% of the general population, gifted adults are so physically scattered in their cities, communities, and countries that they have trouble finding one another. And without other people who understand their intensities, and what some may call insanities, it’s hard to keep moving forward. It’s tough for them to stand on their own day after day, idea after idea, potential miracle after potential miracle.
So if you are a gifted adult, be on the lookout for others like you anywhere and everywhere you go. And when you find them, hang onto them, especially the positive, motivating ones, because their presence around you may just be the final piece you need to complete the puzzle of your essential life mission and find ultimate success.
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Sonia Dabboussi is the founder of Gifted for Life, a groundbreaking community of empowered gifted adults who maximize their unique abilities, sensitivities, experiences and insights to make a remarkable world impact.
For over a decade and a half, her diverse experience in academic and personal development through positions in education, educational administration and success coaching has led her to conduct seminars, workshops and one-on-one trainings for exceptional people in local, national and international regions.
She is also a gifted adult.
Connect with gifted adults and other outstanding people at Gifted for Life, http://giftedforlife.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sonia_Dabboussi
Sarah was just two years old when her mother discovered she had a knack for playing the violin. By the age of four she was playing like a professional. At age six she started writing her own compositions. Now barely eight years old, she is a sought after violinist, and recently released her first album. Sarah is by no means your average child; rather, she is among the estimated 6% of children in the US who have been identified as being gifted. This is largely defined by their ability to master an adult activity at a very young age.
Gifted children are naturally very curious. In addition, they also very creative, quick learners, voracious readers, intuitive, emotionally sensitive, and have a tendency to be perfectionists.
Below are some tips that can be useful when parenting these children.
Provide support and encouragement. Parents must make every effort to encourage their abilities, and satisfy their quest for knowledge. Some parents opt to home school their gifted kids. This is because they are academically advanced, and the normal school system does not provide the stimulation they need. As a result, they become easily bored. In order to perform at the highest level, they must be challenged. Holding them back can prove very detrimental.
There are cases of persons whose gifts were not unearthed until very late in life, because at an early age, they were not in an environment that provided stimulation.
Ensure that they understand that their gift does not define who they are. Help them to recognize that their gift relates to a talent or ability, it is something they can do, not who they are. While it is a very important part of their persona, there are many other things that they are capable of doing. Therefore, it is a good idea to help them develop other interests, and take part in additional activities.
Do not neglect discipline. There is sometimes the temptation for parents to be so overawed by the gift, that rules of conduct are neglected. There is also the tendency to treat these children as equals, due to their above average intelligence, and ability to comprehend and reason at an adult level. However, the gifted child must be made to understand that despite their amazing abilities, they are still children in need of guidance and direction. Consequently, very clear standards of discipline must be set.
If there are other children in the home, maintain a balance. Never focus all your attention on the gifted child and neglect the others. This is vital, as they can be very demanding, and tend to be more intense, thereby requiring more attention. Ensure that they understand and appreciate the fact that, there are other members of the family, whose needs are equally important.
While parenting your gifted child ensure that you enjoy their gift, communicate openly, and encourage them. Perhaps one of the key things is to help them to focus not only on performing exceptionally, but also, on learning as much as possible. Ensure that they learn to interact with others, and get pleasure from the gift they have been given.
Madalynn has been an online writer for nearly 2 years now. Not only does this author specialize in health, finance, travel, and product reviews, you can also check out her latest website on Texas Instruments TI-89 Calculator [http://ti-89.net] which reviews and lists the best TI-89 Texas Instruments Calculator [http://ti-89.net].
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Madalynn_K_Wayman
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